I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
