I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
