Midget sex pt 2 tonight
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize