time to smoke my breakfast
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
