Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
