We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
