I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
