I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize