Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
