If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.