just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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