Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
