Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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