So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just had sex bonerless
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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