Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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