in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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