He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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