Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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