i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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