do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
