How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
