just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
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