I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
