I'm so fucking centered right now
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
