Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
