talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
