I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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