dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
