FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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