eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
