Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
