you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
