I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
