Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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