dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
