doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
