we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
