Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
