Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
