I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
