And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
