Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
