someone threw a dead crab at me
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
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I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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