well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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