You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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