Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
