She's JV to your varsity
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
