she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
