The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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