I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
