I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Let's get the cat blown out
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
