If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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