HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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