Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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