Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No subtext here. People are naked.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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