guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
