4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
